Nothing Gold Can Stay
by Orange-Soda61
Summary: Big Time Rush is on top. Their world is gold, however, nothing gold can stay. When tragedy stikes, how does everyone deal with it? Will their world ever return to it's original gold state?
1. Chapter 1

**Hi everyone! I am not really sure how this is going to work out, but I really enjoy writing and BTR so I thought 'Eh, why not?' Okay, so I am just going to say this right now, I am TERRIBLE AT UPDATING. I am crazy busy with school, and I have gymnastics everyday. It makes my life insanity. Yet, here I am typing away. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own BTR. However, when I see them, I know someday I will call one of them mine!**

Kendall ran into his room and slammed the door. He ran his hand through his s sweaty golden hair. This wasn't happening. Kendall wanted to wake up and realize it was all just a terrible, terrible dream. He wanted everything to stay just the way it was. He liked it that way.

Kendall fell onto his bed and buried his face into his pillow. He screamed as loud as he could. He screamed until his throat was dry and could no longer function. Then he cried. He cried for himself. He cried for James, Carlos, Katie and his mother. But most of all, he cried for Logan.

Logan…

Kendall heard a knock on the door. "Kendall, buddy? Can we come in?" Kendall did not have the heart to respond. Or, maybe, it was just his throat. He just couldn't say anything, no matter what the cause was. Kendall heard the squeak of the door hinges as his door opened slowly. "Oh, Kendall." He heard James say. He heard the springs of his bed creak, and he felt comforting hands gently rub his back. However, Kendall could not take comfort in them. He was completely inconsolable.

"Kenny," Carlos whimpered. "We are all hurting right now." Kendall's heart hurt as he heard Carlos call him Kenny. No one had called him Kenny since they were six. Kendall slowly picked his head up from his pillow. He looked at two of his best friends. Carlos' eyes were red and puffy. The sparkle was no longer there. It seemed as if the energy and love of life had been drained out of him. James didn't look much better. His hair was tousled and was standing every which way. His eyes were also bloodshot from the tears that persisted to fall. Kendall could only imagine how he looked. It was probably much worse.

The three boys looked into each other's eyes. So many emotions were portrayed in those boys eyes. Pain. Anger. Confusion. Pity. Heartbreak. Finally, Carlos broke the silence. "Why?" He asked, looking back and forth between his friends, begging for an answer. "Why Logan? He didn't deserve any of this…" Carlos trailed off as he choked on a sob. More tears spilled over from Carlos' brown eyes. Kendall and James exchanged a sad glance.

"I don't know, Carlos. I just don't know!" James cried. Carlos leaned his head on James' shoulder and sobbed. James hugged the smaller boy tightly. Kendall put his head in his hands. He felt as if the walls were closing in on him.

"Kendall?" James asked. Kendall looked up at his friends. When Kendall saw the look in his friend's eyes, he broke down all over again. **(IT'S LIKE I'M FALLING IN LOVE ALL OVER AGAIINNNN! Oh, sorry, got sidetracked there…)** His body shook with gut wrenching sobs. James and Carlos pulled Kendall into a tight embrace. Kendall cried with his best friends. They cried for themselves. They cried for Katie and Mrs. Knight. But most of all, they cried for Logan.

For what seemed like days, Kendall, James and Carlos stayed like this. They held onto each other for dear life. Soon, Mrs. Knight came into the room. Her eyes were also bloodshot. She had been crying. She cried for herself. She cried for her son, his friends and her daughter. But most of all, she cried for Logan. "James, Carlos, sweeties…" Mrs. Knight whispered. The three boys looked up at the women. The complete and utter pain in their eyes broke her heart. She wanted to make their pain go away. However, this was not in her power. "You all need to get some sleep. Logan needs you." James snapped his eyes shut at the mention of Logan. Carlos buried himself further into James' shoulder. Kendall flinched and continued to cry. However, James and Carlos nodded, and headed wordlessly to their own room. Mrs. Knight pulled them both into a tight embrace before they left, whispering comforting words into their ears. They sniffled and shuffled out of the door to their room.

Kendall leaned back onto his bed. Mrs. Knight sighed and walked over to her son. "Oh, Kendall," She whispered. He sat up and looked at her with tear filled eyes.

"Mama…" he whimpered. Mrs. Knight hugged Kendall tight. She had never seen Kendall this hurt and vulnerable before. It scared her.

"Kendall," She whispered, "You are the strongest person I know. And honey, I know it doesn't matter how strong you are in this kind of situation. It hurts no matter what. But, Kendall, _you boys have made it through everything together and that isn't about to stop now._" Kendall nodded against his mother's shoulder. "I wish I could say everything will be okay, but I don't know that. All I can say, is that we need to trust that God has a plan for all of us, and fighting his plan is like trying to scream louder than Gustavo." Kendall smiled slightly at this. "Okay, honey?" Kendall nodded. "Now get some sleep." Mrs. Knight stood up from her son's bed and walked toward the door.

"Mama?" He asked. Mrs. Knight looked at her broken son. "I love you. And, thanks. I really needed that." Mrs. Knight tried to muster a smile for her son.

"You're welcome, honey. And, I love you too. Forever and ever." Mrs. Knight looked at her son once more, then closed the door quietly. Kendall leaned back on his bed. He closed his eyes. He invited, no, begged, sleep to come and dull the pain. Soon, Kendall's eyes were fixed upon Logan's empty bed. He couldn't think straight. He had to clear his head.

Kendall stood and walked to his desk. His hastily grabbed a notebook and a pen. He silently tip-toed out of his room into the kitchen. He tore out a piece of notebook paper and quickly wrote his mother a note.

_Went to roof. Need to clear head. Don't worry. I love you. _

_-K_

Kendall nodded in approval and silently left the apartment and traveled to the rooftop of the Palm Woods. He sat down on the railing and sighed softly. He had so many memories here at the Palm Woods with _him. _Kendall remembered why he was up here and opened his notebook. He took a deep breath and let his thoughts pour out upon the page.

_Hey Lo. It's me, Kendall. _

_I know what you are thinking, 'Letters? Really, are you that corny Kendall?' Well, Logan, this is the only way that I can clear my head right now. Everything is falling apart, Lo. The walls are closing in on us. I guess I should have seen it coming. We were living the dream. Big Time Rush was on top of the charts and we could not be happier. But, as Robert Frost says, "Nothing gold can stay."_

_I remember it clearly. It has been replaying in my mind all day, Logan. We were on dance practice with Mr. X. You seemed a little off. You were messing up moves that you usually perform at ease. Mr. X was becoming extremely frustrated with you. I could tell you needed a break. Why didn't I say something? I guess I was just focused on finishing practice, then lounging by the pool at the Palm Woods. I didn't see any of this coming._

_You collapsed. I remember screaming you name and kneeling down beside you. I begged you to wake up, Lo. But you didn't. Gustavo called an ambulance while James, Carlos, and I stayed by you side, watching over you intently. The EMTs rushed into the studio and loaded you onto a stretcher. They immediately hooked you up to oxygen and checked your heart rate. Logan, I had never been more scared in my life. And from the moment they loaded you into the ambulance and told us to meet you at the hospital, I knew things were going to take a turn for the worse. And boy, they did._

_Gustavo, Kelly, James, Carlos, and I all rushed to the hospital. The ride there was a total blur. All I could think about was you, Lo. The moments we shared played through my mind. Guess what, Logan? The moments we shared is my new favorite movie. _

_When we got to the hospital, the receptionist told us to sit down in the waiting room and the doctor would be with us as soon as possible. For hours on end, we sat there. My mom and Katie came sometime in those dreadful hours, but all I could think about was you, Hortense Logan Mitchell. In fact if a had a penny for every time you crossed my mind while we were waiting for the diagnosis, I would have one cent, because, Logan, you never left it. __**(**_**FYI: I DON'T OWN THAT QUOTE.)**

_Finally, the doctor came out. He introduced himself as Dr. Mollow. I actually screamed at him and told him to 'cut the small talk and tell us what the heck was wrong with you.' I know you would scold me and tell me not to be rude, but Lo, drastic times call for drastic measures. _

_Then came the moment where I heard the worst news of my life._

_You have cancer, Lo. I felt like my world came crashing down on me. You, Logan Mitchell, have cancer? No way! This is the kind of stuff you read about happening to other people, and you feel bad for them. This wasn't supposed to happen to us! My mom took a sharp inhale of breath, and Katie started to cry. Carlos had a blank look on his face. James had tears collecting in his eyes, threatening to spill over. And, me? I got up and punched a hole in the wall. _

_Let's just say, not my best plan._

_After the doctor rambled on about treatment options to my mom and my hand was concluded to be fine, we were allowed to see you. Thank God that by then you had woken up. As I entered the room, my green eyes locked with your brown ones. And Logan, I realized something._

_I am in love with you._

_It's like one of those cliché love stories. A person loves their best friend, and the best friend gets sick. But in the end, there is always a happily ever after. What if we don't get a happily ever after, Logan? What if you di- no, I refuse to think about it. _

_But Logan, I truly am in love with you. I have thought about it a lot, as I sit on the roof of the Palm Woods and write this letter to you. I have been denying it for ages now, simply thinking that since you are my best friend, of course I love you. It's a natural feeling. But now, Lo, this experience has made me realize that you mean so much more to me than a best friend. You are not only an amazing person, a genius, a talented singer and dancer, and a fantastic friend, but you are the love of my life. Plus, the fact that you're handsome is just an added bonus._

_When I saw you lying helpless in that hospital bed, I knew we were fighting an uphill battle. This disease was not going down without a fight. But, Logan, you looked so broken. I knew you needed your brothers. So, I sat down in the chair next to you bed and grabbed hold of you hand. You looked over at me and smiled softly. James and Carlos sat on the other side of you bed. For hours, we just sat there, pretending we didn't see the elephant in the room. Finally, Logan addressed it._

"_I'm still the same Logan, you know." You said. Tears began to roll down your face. And guess what, Logie? My heart broke into a million little pieces. "I know this is bad guys." you cried. "But we can make it through this together." James, Carlos and I nodded through our tears. I was the first to speak up._

"_We are here for you, Lo. No matter what. Winsome Foursome forever, right guys?" You all nodded, and smiled with tear filled eyes. Then the nurse told us to go home, visiting hours were over. We all gave you hugs and promised to be back bright and early tomorrow. You smiled and told us to sleep, that we needed it. _

_We cried when we got home. The pain was unbearable. I still am, Lo. This seems like a bad dream, and that I'm going to wake up and shake my head and go to the studio and record a new song. Gustavo will scream at us, but that's ok because we will be together._

_It seems like life is having a nice laugh at me right now, Logan. _

_I'll write again soon, Lo. You can count on it. Whether you read these or not, I mean every word I say in these letters._

_Love,_

_Kendall_

Kendall sighed as the wind whipped through his hair. He closed his notebook and back to the apartment He quietly discarded of his note. He climbed back into bed, and fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. Kendall could only hope his dreams were better than reality.

**I hope that was okay! I will try to update soon! Review please!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Updateee! You can all thank my day off school! Plus, I had a gymnastics meet yesterday, and I got first on beam! So I am in a good mood! **

**Thanks to my two reviewers and all the subscribers! **

**I own nothing. **

"Kendall!" A voice hollered. Kendall groaned. _I don't want to go to the studio today!_ He thought. "Kendall! Get up!" The voice hollered again. Kendall groaned and rolled over on his side. "Kendall, so help me, if you do not get out of bed right now I will snap your precious little hockey stick in half!"

Well that got his attention.

Kendall rolled out of bed and landed on the floor with a thump. "Ughhh…" Kendall groaned. He rubbed his hands over his eyes in an attempt to wake himself up. When he decided he was not waking up anytime soon, he rolled over again and sighed. Unfortunately, this was not going to fly. Kendall soon felt a sharp pang in his back.

"KENDALL DONALD KNIGHT GET YOUR LAZY BUTT UP AND GET DRESSED!" The voice screamed. Dear God, have mercy. Kendall groaned and pushed himself up. He pried his eyes open and saw his little sister standing before him. "Finally!" Katie exclaimed. "Took you long enough!" Kendall stood up and glared at his sister. Why was she waking him up so early. "Now get dressed. We are leaving to see Logan in ten minutes." Katie stated.

_Wait, what? Why would we need to go see Logan? He lives here! _Kendall thought to himself. Then yesterdays events came rushing back to him. Logan feeling off, Logan collapsing, Logan now has cancer…. Kendall loves Logan, Logan may d-

Kendall shook his head to clear away such terrible thoughts. Logan was going to live. He had to. Kendall dragged his feet over to his closet and pulled on jeans and a t-shirt. He grabbed his phone and walked out into the kitchen.

Things were not how they were supposed to be.

Carlos was merely sitting at the table. His helmet was not on his head, and there was no food within his reach. James' hair was knotty and standing every which way. His eyes were red and puffy. Katie sat silently next to James' with her head on his shoulder. Katie glanced at Kendall, her eyes widening slightly. _Guess I don't look much better than them, do I?_ Kendall thought miserably. Katie tapped James' shoulder and whispered something in his ear. He glanced at Kendall and nodded. Carlos continued to stare off into space.

"So, we leaving or what?" Kendall asked. James looked at Kendall wearily, as if asking him if he really wanted to go. Kendall looked at them expectantly. He sighed. "Guys…" He trailed off. Carlos looked up at him.

"I smell speech…" Carlos whispered, just as Logan always did when Kendall was preparing to deliver one of his famous speeches. James cringed. Kendall took a deep breath and held back tears.

"We are all dying on the inside, right?" He asked. James nodded slightly. Carlos winced at the word "dying", but looked at Kendall to continue. Katie remained unmoving. "Okay, I'll take that as a yes, because I am." Katie glanced at her big brother. "But we have to stay strong, for each other, but most of all for Logan. Logan needs us."

"But we need him too!" Carlos cried. "What if something happens to him, Kendall? What if he d-"

"Stop!" Kendall yelled. "Logan is going to make it! I know it! But we need to be there for him!" Tears silently slid down Carlos' cheeks and he nodded. Suddenly, Mrs. Knight emerged from her bedroom.

"Let's go, kids." Mrs. Knight said. They nodded and began to walk toward to door. On the way out, Kendall made sure to grab his notebook.

When they arrived at the hospital, after a long and awkward car ride, they solemnly headed to Logan's room. Katie cautiously opened the door. Logan looked up from his magazine and smiled.

"Hey!" Logan greeted way to cheerfully. Katie forced a smile as she entered the room followed by James, Carlos, Mrs. Knight, and finally Kendall. Kendall studied Logan as Logan examined each of them. Logan's eyebrows drew together as he thought. Kendall found it extremely adorable.

"You all look like crap." Logan stated simply. Kendall's head shot up, and Carlos looked slightly alarmed. Katie continued to stare at Logan, and Mrs. Knight looked crossed between laughing and crying.

"Me? Crap?" James cried, clearly in distress. "I'm the face! I am fantastic looking, all day, everyday!" Logan chuckled slightly. Kendall smiled at the sound. He never noticed how beautiful Logan's laugh was. Or his smile. His eyes. His nose. His cute little dimples.

"Did you look in a mirror this morning, James?" James gasped and bolted out the door, no doubt headed to the bathroom. They could hear him hollering that he was the face from down the hall. Kendall and Logan exchanged a slight smile, making Kendall's heart warm, despite the circumstances.

"I'm going to make sure he doesn't have a full out panic attack." Carlos stated before slipping out the door and following the pretty boy to the bathroom.

"And you!" Logan exclaimed, pointing at Kendall. Kendall looked slightly alarmed. "Did you get any sleep last night?" Logan interrogated. Kendall merely shrugged, because all he could focus on was that Logan looked extremely cute when he was angry. "Did you?" Logan asked again.

"Some. I went up to the roof for awhile because I couldn't fall asleep. But I'm hardly even tired." Kendall stated nonchalantly. Katie snorted.

"Really, you're not tired?" Katie asked skeptically. "Because you didn't get up this morning till I beat you with a god damn hockey stick!" Katie exclaimed.

"Katie! Language!" Mrs. Knight scolded. Katie shrugged.

"It's true! He wouldn't wake up, so desperate times call for desperate measures!" Katie explained.

"Yeah," Kendall scoffed. "Tell that to my bruised back!" Logan laughed and Katie smirked.

"See? _Logan _thinks it's funny!" Katie proclaimed smugly.

"What does Logan think is funny?" James asked as her entered the room, his hair combed to perfection. Carlos trailed behind James.

"That Katie beat Kendall with a hockey stick to wake him up this morning." Logan explained.

James and Carlos laughed and exchanged a look. "That's what the banging and the screaming was!" Carlos said, clearly less confused now. Mrs. Knight shook her head.

"How are you, Logan?" She asked. All laughing stopped and everyone's head snapped toward Logan, waiting anxiously for his answer. Logan simply shrugged.

"Fine, really." Kendall raised his eyebrows at Logan. When Logan rolled his eyes back at Kendall, Kendall felt his heart beat faster. "I start chemo tomorrow. The doctors said since the caught it in a pretty early stage, it will most likely be less aggressive." Kendall's heart rejoiced.

"Oh, good sweetie!" Mrs. Knight said. Logan smiled and nodded before yawning loudly. Another thing Kendall thought was cute. "Kids, we should let Logan get some rest." Logan was about to protest, but Mrs. Knight cut him off. "Kendall will stay with us, and the rest of us will go down to the food court and get something to eat. Is that okay?" Kendall and Logan both nodded and Mrs. Knight smiled. "Alright!" Mrs. Knight said. James, Carlos and Katie all stood and followed Mrs. Knight out of the door.

Kendall turned to Logan. "Rest, Lo." He whispered. Logan nodded before closing his eyes. Kendall watched Logan for several minutes. The way his chest rose and fell with every breath he took. Kendall grabbed his notebook and began to write.

_Hey Lo, it's me again. _

_We are at the hospital. Mom, Katie, James, and Carlos are all at the food court. You are asleep. I'm here, with you. _

_You asked me if I was okay, whether I slept. I'm far from okay, Lo. You're sick. Like, really sick. Dude, you're supposed to be curing people, not trying to be cured by other doctors! But I was serious, that hockey stick bruised my back. _

_Just make me a promise, Lo. Just, survive. Please. Please, please, please. You will? Oh, thanks so much, Logan. _

_If only it was that simple… _

_Oh, shoot, you are waking up. Can't have you finding out about these, now can we? _

_Till next time,_

_Kendall_

Logan rolled over and looked at Kendall as he closed a notebook.

"What's that?" Logan asked curiously. Kendall jumped and looked at Logan. Logan raised an eyebrow at Kendall.

"Just homework." Kendall said nonchalantly. Logan did not look convinced. But before he could question further, the nurse barged in.

"Visiting hours are over. Come back tomorrow. Have a good night." Kendall sighed and looked at Logan. Logan smiled at Kendall.

"Go home and actually get some sleep this time!" Logan commanded. Kendall smirked and saluted to Logan.

"Sir, yes, sir!" Kendall replied. Logan and Kendall laughed. Kendall leaned in and hugged Logan. Logan hugged him back, taking comfort in a hug from his best friend.

"See you tomorrow." Kendall whispered. Logan nodded. Kendall turned around and walked toward the door. He turned around and waved at Logan. Logan laughed and waved back.

As, Kendall walked out the door, he prayed Logan would be in one piece when he came again tomorrow.

**Blehh, not loving that chapter. Review anyway?**

**Byeee! **


	3. Chapter 3

**I'm back! Sorry I haven't updated, but I have had a crazy stretch of weeks, so yeah. I'll try to update more often. **

**FYI, This chapter takes place the next day after the last chapter. Logan is undergoing chemo.**

**I do not own BTR. **

Kendall stretched his legs out in front of him and groaned. Hospitals chairs were not made for the comfort of six foot tall hockey players. Kendall shifted around in his seat trying to find a suitable position to sit in. However, Kendall's mind was not really on finding a decent sitting position. It was on Logan.

Logan started his first round of chemotherapy today. Now, Kendall Knight might not be a doctor, but he isn't stupid. Kendall knew that chemotherapy was the treatment for cancer patients. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't. It all depends on the type and the patient. He also knew chemo had awful side effects, like loss of hair and fatigue. Kendall knew that this treatment could possibly make Logan better, but in some ways, couldn't it make him worse?

Kendall shook his head. He needed to get rid off all the negative thoughts floating around in his mind. He needed some fresh air.

"Mom?" Kendall asked. Mrs. Knight looked up at her son. Jennifer loved her oldest child with all her heart. She couldn't stand to see him hurting like this. She knew that Kendall was always the leader, the rock, of his friends. But, Mrs. Knight knew Kendall needed a rock for himself. Kendall was still only sixteen, after all. And even when he becomes a legal adult, he will always need his mom when things get tough.

So Mrs. Knight put on her best fake smile for her son. "Yes, sweetie?" She answered with love, care, and pain evident in her voice.

"Can I go for a walk?" Kendall asked. From the look on her face, Kendall knew his mother was somewhat weary of this idea. Kendall _really _needed to take a walk though. "Please, mom? I'll text you where I am and everything! I just really need to take a walk and stretch." Kendall begged. Mrs. Knight sighed.

"Okay." Mrs. Knight said reluctantly. Kendall smiled, or at least he hoped it was a smile. It may have turned out as a grimace. Kendall grabbed his notebook and pen and began to shrug on his jacket.

"Kendall?" Kendall turned around to see his little sister, Katie. Kendall hadn't really given much thought to how this would affect Katie.

"What's up, baby sister?" Kendall asked in a gentle voice. Katie looked up at Kendall with hopeful eyes. It was in that moment that Kendall realized that his sister was only eleven, and that her brother had a life threatening illness. He realized that she was still a baby, and that this was all new and scary for her.

"Can I come take a walk with you? Please?" Katie asked. Kendall sighed. He really wanted his time to clear his head and walk by himself, but he reminded himself that Katie needed her big brother right now.

"Sure, Katie." Kendall said. Katie smiled slightly and thanked her big brother. Kendall shared a last glance with his mother. Pride shone in her eyes. She became more and more proud of her son everyday.

Kendall and Katie said goodbye to James, Carlos, and Mrs. Knight. Then, they were on their way. Kendall and Katie decided to walk to the park down the street from the hospital. The walk there was spent in a comfortable silence.

"Kendall?" Katie whispered, voice trembling. Kendall looked down at his precious baby sister. She had tears swimming in her eyes.

"Oh, Katie…" Kendall whispered. He picked her up and walked to the nearest park bench. Kendall sat down on the bench and placed Katie in his lap. Katie buried her face in the crook of Kendall's neck and sobbed. Kendall rubbed Katie's back lovingly and whispered soothing words in her ear. Eventually, Katie's cries slowed and she looked at Kendall with saddened eyes.

"Is he going to make it, Kendall?" Katie asked. _If only we knew…_ Kendall thought hopelessly. He honestly had no idea how to respond to that.

"Katie," Kendall began. "God has a plan for everyone. He has a plan, for me, a plan for you, and a plan for Logan. Sometimes his plan doesn't match up to our plan, but everything happens for a reason. Logan has a plan set for him. So right now, we just need to be there for him, and we need to be there for each other. The rest is out of our hands…" Kendall trailed off as he tried to fight back tears. Katie hugged her brother tight.

"You're right, Kendall." She whispered. "You always know just to right thing to say." Kendall smiled and stroked his sister's hair gently. Katie climbed off Kendall's lap. "Can I ask you something?" She questioned.

"Anything." Kendall replied.

"What are you writing in that notebook?" Katie asked. Kendall mentally cursed himself. Well, anything but that. Quick, Knight, think! Kendall commanded himself.

"Songs." Kendall said, trying to sound nonchalant. "But I don't want anyone to see them until they are all done." Kendall concluded.

"Oh, okay." Katie said, satisfied with the answer she received. Kendall mentally sighed in relief. "Well," Katie began, "I know you came here to work on the song, am I right?" Katie asked. Kendall nodded. "I'll be quiet. Go ahead." Katie commanded. Kendall smiled at his sister and rested his notebook on his lap. He uncapped his pen and began to write.

_Hey, Logan. Me again. _

_I'm in the park with Katie. We both needed to clear our minds. A lot happened today, Lo. You started chemo, and boy was it a lot to take in. You had to go into a room, alone, for 5 hours to get your medicine. Like, why won't they let someone in the room with you? You're going to get bored and you need someone there for support._

_The hospital should totally hire. I have some major changes to make, one of them being the food. I am totally convinced that 'chicken' is really dog meat…_

_Anyway, Lo, while I know treatment is good, what if it doesn't work? What then? We watch you slowly d- never mind. It will work. It has to work, Lo, I can't live without you. And even if it does work, there are some insane side effect, Logan. You will loose you gorgeous brown hair, and you will sleep, like, all day. I would say lucky, but considering the circumstances, you are far from it._

_I'm gonna see if Katie wants to head back to the hospital. I think your chemo is almost over. _

_Love you Lo,_

_Kendall_

Kendall closed the notebook, and wordlessly got up. Katie followed suit, and Kendall wrapped his arm around Katie's shoulders. They walked back to the hospital and prepared to be strong, for Logan.

**Review!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey everyone! Sorry it took a while! I'm in my school play, my teachers are giving a bunch of homework, and gymnastics is a time consuming sport! But I'm not forgetting this story! Promise!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own them. I am going to a concert though!**

Kendall's arm remained lovingly around Katie's shoulder as they ventured back into the hospital. She leaned into her brother's embrace and soaked up all the love he had to offer. In times like these, Katie seemed to act her age. She was no longer the wide eyed eleven year old who was always scamming Bitters and the rest of the Palm Woods staff. Now she's a vulnerable little girl with her big brother in the hospital. Things really can change in an instant, huh?

As Kendall and Katie approached Logan's room, Kendall felt his heart speed up. Was Logan back from his first round of treatment yet? If he was, was he okay? If he wasn't, then what was taking so long? Is he feeling okay? Does he need his best friends?

"Kendall? Earth to Kendall?" Katie said repeatedly and waved her hand in front of her brother's glazed over green eyes. Kendall shook this head out of his trance and blinked rapidly.

"Sorry, Katie." Kendall apologized sheepishly. "I just zoned out there." He said, laughing softly. Katie smiled slightly. Kendall took that as an 'It's alright.'

Katie walked up to the door to Logan's hospital room. She stopped dead and stared at the door knob with a terrified look in her eyes. Kendall frowned slightly. "Katie," He began, "The door knob isn't going to bite you." Katie rolled her eyes at Kendall and open the door.

Kendall wished the door knob had bit Katie's hand.

The sight they saw was terrifying.

Logan sat up in his hospital bed. His face was white as a ghost and his eyes were squeezed shut as he leaned over the bucket he was violently vomiting in. Mrs. Knight was holding the bucket steady and running a comforting hand up and down Logan's back as she whispered loving words in his ear. James sat in the hospital chair by Logan's bed. His hazel eyes were wide with fear and his mouth was wide open, however, no words escaped the pretty boy's lips. No words could describe the terror and pain he was feeling. Carlos stood in the corner of the hospital room. His tan skin was abnormally pale and his eyes were squeezed shut, as if he believed if he didn't see it happening, then it wasn't happening.

Kendall was snapped out of his shock when he heard sobbing. He turned to his little sister. She had her hands over her mouth in an attempt to muffle her sobs. A waterfall of tears fell from her chocolate brown eyes. Kendall leant down and scooped her into her arms. Katie buried her head in Kendall's plaid shirt and tried to escape from the horrifying scene in front of her. However, Kendall couldn't tear his eyes away from Logan's pain contorted face. Thankfully, Logan's retching soon slowed and he leaned back onto his bed. His eyes drifted closed slowly and Kendall thanked God that it was over, for now, at least.

"Kendall, honey?" Mrs. Knight said to her son. Kendall locked eyes with his mother. Her eyes were filled with tears. Those tears held pain, love, and fear. "Are you okay?" She asked. Kendall nodded slowly.

"James? Carlos? What about you guys? Are you alright?" Kendall questioned. Carlos stepped out of the corner and nodded. James picked his head up out of his hands and nodded as well. "Katie?" Kendall whispered. No response. "Katie, are you alright?" Kendall inquired again. Katie shook her head.

"That was scary." She whispered, tears rolling down her rosy cheeks. Kendall hugged her tighter to his chest.

"Katie, sweetie…" Mrs. Knight whispered as she stroked her auburn hair. James and Carlos walked over to Mrs. Knight and wrapped their arms around her.

"So, this is the new reality for us, right?" Carlos asked. "This is now our everyday life? Watching Logan suffer like this?" Carlos inquired. Kendall winced slightly.

"It sure looks like it…" James muttered, shooting a quick glance toward Logan. He was sleeping in the hospital bed.

There was a knock on the door, and one of Logan's nurses entered. She smiled and greeted everyone. "I'm sorry, but visiting hours are over." Kendall, James, and Carlos groaned loudly. They didn't want to leave Logan all alone. "Hey! Don't get so upset boys." Kendall cocked an eyebrow at her. "One of you is allowed to stay the night with him tonight because he had his first treatment today, but only one of you!" Mrs. Knight nodded and thanked the nurse politely.

All three boys opened their mouths to argue over who gets to stay and who goes home, however, Mrs. Knight held up her hand. "I do not want to hear it." She said in a tone only mothers can master. "Now, tonight, Kendall is going to stay." Kendall smirked while James and Carlos pouted. "Next time, James you can stay, and after that Carlos will stay. Deal?" The boys all nodded. "Alright!" Mrs. Knight said. "Good night, Kendall, honey." She hugged Kendall tight and kissed his head. Kendall hugged James and Carlos goodnight and kissed the top of Katie's head before watching them leave.

Kendall turned around and looked at the sleeping angel laying in the bed in front of him. He walked to the chair next to Logan's bed and placed his notebook in his lap. With one hand he held his pen, and in the other hand, he caressed Logan's hand.

_Hey, Logan. It's me. _

_Today took an extreme turn for the worse. As said in the last letter, Katie and I went for a stroll in the park, which went wrong fast when she broke down into sobs. And you know she doesn't cry, Lo. _

_So we came back to the hospital and we walked to your room. I knew chemo had some bad side effects but, Lo, I was not expecting this. We walked in on you throwing up, but you weren't just like puking. Your whole body was shaking and your face was scrunched together in pain. It didn't just go on for a minute or two like the normal stomach bug does, oh no, it went on for at least ten minutes. Katie was crying, James was frozen in fear, and Carlos was standing in the corner. My mom was comforting you, and I just stood there with Katie in my arms. I was completely shell shocked. I think we need to rewrite Paralyzed, Lo, because what I saw today gave a whole new meaning to the word paralyzed. _

_It's our new reality tho, Logan. You're going to get treatment all the time and be sick all the time. We just have to be there for you and_

Kendall's head snapped up when he heard a cough. Kendall dove for the now clean bucket and held in front of Logan just in time for Logan to empty his stomach into it. Logan spat, sputtered and gagged his stomach heaved over and over again. Kendall rubbed Logan's back.

Kendall's hand never left Logan's.

"Shh." Kendall whispered as Logan gasped for air after ten minutes of vomiting. Tears escaped Logan's chocolate brown eyes and a sob escaped Logan's lips. "Oh Logie…" Kendall sighed and pulled Logan into a hug. Logan hugged Kendall back tightly. "It's alright." Kendall whispered to Logan. Logan nodded into Kendall's neck. Logan pulled away from the hug and wiped his eyes.

"Thanks, Kendall. For being here for me." Logan said. Chocolate brown eyes met light green eyes and Kendall smiled.

"Lo, I'll always be here for you. I promise." Kendall squeezed Logan's hand, which he had never let go off. Logan smiled slightly as he sunk back into bed.

But he didn't let go of Kendall's hand.

"Goodnight, Kendall…" Logan whispered. "I'm sorry if I wake you up tonight…" Logan trailed off. Kendall rolled his eyes. Logan would worry about waking someone up.

"Night, Lo. And don't worry about waking me up. I'm here for you any hours of the day, any day of the week. Remember that." Kendall said. Logan nodded slightly and drifted off into sleep. Kendall sighed and continued to write.

_Well you just vomited again. It's so scary, Lo. I don't want anything to happen to you. I need to you Logan. I love you with all my heart and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. You have to stay with me. _

_I better get some sleep while I can. I have a feeling you and I are going to have a long night. _

_With love, _

_Kendall_

Kendall closed the notebook and stretched out in the hospital chair. He closed his eyes and began to drift off into sleep. He could only hope his dreams were better than his reality.

**Did I just do that to them? I'm a horrible person! Review anyway? I hope you enjoyed this chapter! **


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey everyone! Thank you so much for the reviews! They make me smile after a long day! OMG BIG TIME RUSH FAVE MUSIC GROUP AT THE KCAS! I started crying so hard! It was an amazing moment in my life! Haha!**

**Disclaimer: I can always dream I own them…**

Kendall's head shot up when he heard a loud bang. His sleepy green eyes immediately darted to Logan's bed. Fortunately, it seemed as if the noise did not disturb Logan, as he was still sleeping soundly in his bed. Kendall let out a sigh of relief, and turned to investigate where the noise came from. It didn't take Sherlock Homes to solve this mystery. Carlos was scurrying up from the floor, muttering to himself as he attempted to regain his balance. Kendall rolled his eyes and stood up to help his clumsy friend. He winced slightly at how stiff he was, but helped Carlos stand up again.

"Thanks man!" Carlos said as he patted his lucky black helmet twice. Kendall chuckled.

"No problem, Carlitos." Kendall said, smiling slightly. Kendall bit back a groan as he began to feel the effects of sleeping in a hospital chair last night. His back ached and was in desperate need of a chiropractor, his legs felt like spaghetti, and his neck felt like it had been jostled back and forth like a soccer ball. And it didn't help that he could barely keep his eyes open. He had only gotten two hours of sleep last night because he was tending to Logan. Kendall didn't mind taking care of Logan at all. In fact, he loved spending time alone with the gorgeous genius. It was quality brother time.

Except Logan was puking all over the place for the majority of the time.

"So," Carlos began, "how'd last night go? You look tired."

"It went alright." Kendall said. "Logan got sick a lot. The hardest part was watching him like that. He looked so…" Kendall racked his brain for the correct word. "vulnerable." Carlos wrapped an arm around Kendall.

"It's alright, Kendall." Carlos said in a loving tone. "It's hard on everyone. But we have each other. It will all be okay in the end." Kendall frowned slightly at Carlos' statement. He couldn't truly say that for sure, could he? Cancer is a serious illness. It's not a cut from hockey that can be patched up with a band-aid.

"Yeah." Kendall said, despite his contradictory thoughts. "Hey," Kendall began, realizing something, "where are my mom, Katie, and James?" He asked.

"Oh, they went down to the cafeteria to get a drink. I wasn't thirsty, though, so I came up here to hand with you cool kids." Carlos said, laughing slightly.

"We are pretty cool, aren't we?" A hoarse voice asked. Kendall and Carlos jumped in alarm and turned towards the voice.

"Hey, Logan!" Carlos exclaimed gleefully, waving frantically. Kendall chuckled and Logan waved back slightly.

"Hey, Carlos." Logan said. Logan's eyes shifted to Kendall and they laughed slightly. Carlos' positive attitude could brighten any dark room.

"So, Lo, how are you feeling?" Kendall asked, concern evident in his voice. Kendall crossed his fingers that the answer would be something he wanted to hear.

Logan shrugged slightly. "Eh." He said. "I've been worse, I've been better. But compared to last night, I am so much better. And, hey, Kendall, I've gone 10 minutes without puking!" Logan laughed playfully.

"Hey!" Kendall exclaimed. "Don't jinx it!" Kendall cried out. Carlos and Logan laughed. "Logan, knock on wood or something!" Kendall begged shamelessly. Logan giggled even more, which was music to Kendall's ears. He sounded care free as he knocked on the wooden table that sat by his bedside.

The door flung open and James, Katie, and Mrs. Knight burst in. James and Katie were cackling like maniacs, and Mrs. Knight was giving them evil glares. Logan raised an eyebrow at Kendall, making his heart pick up. Kendall just shrugged, not really sure if he wanted to know what those two were up to.

"Logan!" Katie managed to choke out through her giggle fit. Logan raised an eyebrow at her.

"Care to explain?" Kendall asked, crossed between being amused and annoyed.

"Okay," James managed through laughs. "So we were down in the cafeteria, right, right? So Mama Knight went to the bathroom and Katie and I went to go get drinks." James and Katie began laughing again, unable to finish the story.

"I don't get it…" Carlos said, c1early confused. Kendall laughed lightly at Carlos' innocence.

"Then," Katie continued, "we went to the kitchen and asked for something to drink. So, the lady get this, CAN'T SPEAK ENGLISH!" Katie exclaimed and cackled again.

"So when we asked for water, she was all like YO NO HABLO INGLES in a really deep voice and Katie and me-" James rambled, but was interrupted by Logan.

"Katie and _I,_ James." Logan corrected. James rolled his eyes and muttered a 'yeah, yeah.' Kendall smiled at Logan. Logan smiled back and mouthed 'Kids.' to Kendall. Kendall laughed and mouthed back, 'What will we ever do with them?" Logan laughed and shook his head.

"But ANYWAY, James and I kept yelling at her in English and Mom dragged us away AND SHE WAS SO MAD!" Katie laughed hysterically. James and Katie high fived and laughed. Mrs. Knight rolled her eyes and sat down in a chair near Logan's bed.

"Wait," Carlos began, realization dawning on him. "Did you even _get the drinks?" _He asked. Katie blinked a few times and James' eyes bugged out.

"We'll be right back…" Katie muttered and exited to room quickly and James followed closely behind. Kendall laughed slightly at them. He was glad they were still able to laugh at life in a time like this.

"Alright then." Mrs. Knight said. Carlos plopped down in the chair next to her. Kendall leaned against the wall. He was not going anywhere near one of those chairs for now.

"How'd last night go?" Mrs. Knight inquired. Kendall and Logan shrugged.

"Fine." Logan said. "I honestly thought it was going to be a lot worse. Kendall was so good to me. He stayed up with me the entire night. I don't think I would've made it through without him." Logan flashed Kendall one of his flawless smiles and Kendall blushed. Mrs. Knight beamed with pride. "And Carlos, here," Logan said, "is like a little beam of sunshine!" Logan said happily. Carlos grinned.

"I try." He said. Mrs. Knight rolled her eyes.

James and Katie burst through the door, waters in hand. "We got them!" They exclaimed happily. Mrs. Knight rolled her eyes. Kendall smiled at them.

"Congratulations. You are very talented." Kendall said. Logan laughed and James and Katie feigned hurt. Carlos giggled slightly and shifted in his seat. Suddenly, the nurse burst in.

"I'm sorry, everyone, but Logan cannot have this many visitors. He can only have one for the day after chemo. I'm sorry, but you can all be here tomorrow." She said and exited. Kendall muttered some profanities under his breath. His turn was already used up.

"Okay," Mrs. Knight began. "Now, before any arguing begins, Carlos is staying today." James and Kendall groaned.

"I feel so loved." Logan said. "You are all fighting over who gets to stay with me and catch my puke." Kendall laughed.

"It's a thrilling job, really Carlos." Kendall said. "Keeps you on your toes. Really strengthens the reflexes." Mrs. Knight hit Kendall lightly.

"Hush, Kendall." she scolded. Kendall looked at Logan and grinned. When Logan grinned back, Kendall's heart fluttered. Logan really was an angel.

"MOVE OUT!" Katie yelled. "Bye, Logie! Love you!" She yelled as she walked out the door. James high fived Logan.

"See ya, man." James said. Logan smiled. Mrs. Knight hugged and kissed his forehead. She whispered something in his ear. He smiled slightly. Mrs. Knight ruffled Carlos' hair and followed Katie and James out.

"Bye, Lo." Kendall whispered and hugged Logan tightly. Logan hugged him back. Kendall treasured every moment of it.

"Bye, Ken. I'll see you tomorrow." Logan said. Kendall pulled back and smiled slightly at Logan.

"See ya, Carlos." Kendall said as he exited. Carlos waved back slightly. Kendall sighed and closed the door. He turned to James, Katie, and his mother and made the way out to the car.

Kendall hopped in shotgun, Mrs. Knight got in the driver's seat, and Katie and James scrambled into the back. As they pulled out of the hospital, Kendall opened his notebook and leaned it against his legs.

_Hey Lo. It's_

However, Kendall was snapped out of his writing when he heard a scream from his sister. He looked up. There was a great flash of white, various screams, and then silence.

**OOOHHHH SNAPP. **

**REVIEW AND I'LL UPDATE SOONER. I'M ON SPRING BREAK.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey! So I left you all with an awful cliff hanger! I'm so evil! But here's the chapter. Also, thanks so much for the amazing reviews!**

**I don't own anything. **

Kendall bit back a groan as a swarm of thoughts darted through his mind. Where was he? What happened? Why was he in so much pain? Kendall pried his green eyes open and was greeted by a luminous light. His eyes snapped back shut as they attempted to adjust to the bright light. Kendall slowly opened his eyes again. Realization hit him like a truck, no pun intended.

The screams, the bright lights, being pulled out of the car. Then, nothing.

Kendall looked around where he was lying. He was in the hospital. Carlos was lying in a chair fast asleep. An also asleep Katie was curled up in his lap, with her head of auburn locks rested on his chest. Kendall attempted to call their names, and ask what the heck was really happening. Whenever he opened his mouth in an attempt to talk, he felt as if there was something stuck down his throat, shutting down his attempt at communication. And whatever was shoved down his esophagus was just plain annoying. It made him feel as if he was suffocating. Okay, with talking scratched off the list, he needed to get this thing out of this throat, and fast. So Kendall began kick his feet up and down repeatedly. He banged his fists on the bed and shook his head back and forth.

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

Katie's head slowly began to rise from Carlos' chest. She rubbed her sleepy eyes and looked for the disturbance to her sleep. She blinked several times, as if to make sure what she was seeing was real. Kendall was awake. He was awake! Katie smiled so wide and felt as if a huge weight was lifted off her chest. However, her happiness was soon overridden by fear when she noticed her brother's clear distress.

"DOCTOR!" Katie screamed, running out into the hallway. "Someone help my brother! Please!" She begged.

Carlos began to stir from his slumber due to all the commotion. His brown eyes became alert as he heard Katie's panicked cried for help. His eyes darted to Kendall's bed, where he was thrashing about like an angry four year old. Carlos stood up and ran to Kendall's side. He grabbed Kendall's hand and stroked it gently.

"Shhh. Ken, it's okay." Carlos whispered lovingly in his friend's ear. "It's okay, you are okay..." Carlos trailed off. Carlos closed his eyes and prayed to God that Kendall would be okay. They needed him.

Several doctors rushed into the hospital room and immediately went to Kendall's side. A distressed Katie followed them inside, tears flowing freely down her rosy checks. Carlos went to Katie's side and pulled her into a famous Carlos Garcia hug. Katie leaned into Carlos' embrace, seeking any comfort and support he could provide.

Carlos watched the doctors intently. Two doctors where holding Kendall down in order to cease his thrashing. The other two doctors were gently removing the tube from his throat. Oh. That's why he was throwing a hissy fit. The tube was preventing him from talking. Kendall probably panicked, and desperately tried to get their attention. So he threw a temper tantrum. Some time when the mood is lighter, Carlos is so going to tease Kendall about that.

The doctors released their death grip on Kendall. Kendall was breathing heavily and the doctors breathed a sign of relief that ordeal was over. One of the doctors turned to Kendall.

"Kendall? Kendall, can you hear me?" He asked in a calm voice. Carlos held his breath as he awaited an answer. Katie tightened her grip on her figural big brother. Kendall nodded.

"Can you speak to me, Kendall?" Another doctor asked.

"Yes." Kendall croaked. Carlos was torn between laughing and crying. He was so happy to hear his friend's voice again, but he sounded like a dying cat.

The doctor smiled down at Kendall. Kendall wanted them to cut the crap. He could hear them, he could speak. He wasn't three! He just needed some pain medications!

"Hurts." Kendall managed to choke out. The doctor nodded sympathetically. He whispered something to the other doctor. The other doctor nodded and exited the room.

"Now, Kendall, we are going to give you some medicine that will make the pain much more bare able. Is that okay?" Kendall nodded eagerly. "Now, here," the doctor said while handing Kendall a water bottle. "drink this. Your throat will feel much better." Kendall grabbed the water bottle and drank it greedily. The water soothed the pain in his throat. Kendall chugged the entire bottle before handing the doctor an empty bottle.

"Thank you." Kendall said. His voice sounded much better now. It still wasn't his normal voice, but it was getting there. The doctor nodded and instructed to children to call if they needed anything, then left the room.

Katie ran to Kendall's side and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Oh Kendall," she cried. "we didn't know if you were going to be alright!" Kendall wrapped his arms around his sister and rubbed her back.

"Well I'm okay now." Kendall whispered to his baby sister. Katie nodded, but didn't release her grip on her big brother. Kendall's eyes locked with Carlos'. Kendall mouthed 'What happened?' Carlos shook his head sadly and mouthed back 'Later.' Carlos pulled out his phone out of his pocket. He dialed Mama Knight's number. She was in Logan's room, but Carlos didn't want to leave Kendall. Carlos walked out into the hallway to complete the phone call.

"Carlos?" A frantic Mrs. Knight answered. "Is everything okay?" Mrs. Knight all but screamed in Carlos' ear. Carlos winced slightly and bought the phone back away from his ear.

"Yes, Mama K. Everything's fine. Everything's great!" Carlos laughed happily. "He woke up, Mama." Carlos whispered happily, tears of joy brimming his brown eyes.

"He's awake?" Mrs. Knight asked. "Oh my gosh, my baby is awake! He's going to be okay!" She cried. Carlos could hear screaming in the background. He presumed it was Logan and James, celebrating the awakening of the sleeping hockey player. "We will be right over, Carlos, baby. Love you." Mrs. Knight said.

"Love you too, Mama." Carlos whispered before hitting the 'End Call' button. Carlos reentered Kendall's room. "Mama Knight, Logan, and James, are on their way." Carlos said. Kendall nodded and smiled. Mrs. Knight came running into the room. Carlos couldn't help but wonder how she got here so fast.

"Kendall!" She exclaimed happily. She ran over to Kendall and wrapped her arms around her oldest child. "Oh, honey, I'm so happy your awake." She whispered in his ear. "I love you so much, honey." Kendall smiled.

"I love you too, Mom." Kendall whispered. Mrs. Knight pulled back and ran her hands through Kendall's dirty blonde locks. His hair were streaked with hardened blood.

"Hortense Logan Mitchell!" James screamed down the hallway. Kendall looked at Carlos with an amused look. No one ever called Logan by his first name unless they were really mad.

"Oh, pulling out my real name, are we James?" Logan hollered back, clearly amused. Kendall and Carlos sniggered, while Mrs. Knight rolled her eyes.

"Get in the damn wheelchair, or so help me God, I will make you!" James screeched. Kendall could practically see James stomping his foot on the pristine hospital floor.

"Come at me, bro!" Logan yelled back. Katie smirked at Logan's comeback. She taught him well. Kendall heard a musical laughter as the door opened again, revealing the angel that is Logan Mitchell. Logan's laughing died down when his eyes meet Kendall's.

"Ken," Logan whispered breathlessly. Logan scurried over the Kendall's bed and pulled him into a tight hug. Kendall wrapped his arms around Logan's thin figure. "Hey, Lo." Kendall whispered, squeezing Logan a little tighter.

"What am I, chop liver?" James asked from behind them. Kendall reluctantly released Logan from the tight hug. Logan laughed at James' tone of voice. James pointed an accusing finger at Logan. "I am not talking to you right now, you stubborn little child." Logan rolled his chocolate brown eyes at the pretty boy.

"Kendall?" James asked.

"Yes?" Kendall answered.

"Can I embrace you?" James asked. Kendall gave James a weird look before nodding slightly. James walked over to Kendall and engulfed him in a hug. "Good to have you back, man." James said.

"Thanks." Kendall said. What did he mean, it was good to have me back? He had never left. "Um, guys?" Kendall began. Everyone's eyes stared intently at Kendall, awaiting his question. "What exactly happened?" Kendall asked cautiously. Everyone exchanged anxious looks.

"Baby," Mrs. Knight began, "we were in a car accident." Kendall nodded. He knew that much. "The car hit your side of the car. Everyone else came out unharmed, but you Kendall…" Mrs. Knight trailed off, trying to compose herself. "You've been asleep for a month, Kendall. They didn't know if you were ever going to wake up."

**DUN DUN DUNN.**

**Review, my pretties! I have all next week off from school so I can update! Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Oh, and sorry no letter this chapter, but we kinda had to sort out what happened to Kendall!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey! Thank you so much for the wonderful reviews! They were amazing! Oh, and is it just me, or are you dying to hear Kendall's new cover! I'm praying it's some sappy love song for Logan! Haha!**

**I don't own BTR. **

Kendall stared at his mother in disbelief. _A month? _He thought to himself. _I've been asleep for a month? No! This isn't real! _Kendall frantically shook his head back and forth, desperately trying to clear his head from all the frightening thoughts. Finally, Kendall spoke up.

"Um, excuse me? Did you say a month?" Kendall questioned in a disbelieving tone. Kendall's eyes shifted around to his family and best friends. Something about the floor must seem extremely interesting to them, seeing their eyes were locked on it. Kendall shook his head slightly, smirking. "That was an awful joke you all just played on me, you know." Kendall said coldly, however, pain was still evident in his voice. "People actually go into a coma, and sometimes they nev-"

"Kendall, that wasn't a joke!" Katie exclaimed, tears forming in her brown eyes. "You were asleep for a month! We had no idea if you would ever wake up! I had no idea if I would ever hear your voice again, or see your eyes again! No one could tell me if you were going to live or not, because no one knew!" Katie let out a sob. "Why would you ever think that was a joke, Kendall?" Katie cried, running out of the room. Kendall stared at the door in shock.

Okay, so this was real.

James stood up and muttered something about going to find Katie. He silently slipped out the door, and out of sight.

"I'm sorry..." Kendall muttered, ducking his head in shame. "This is just so much to take in… I never imagined, not even in my wildest dreams, that this could possibly happen to me, to us." Kendall looked up and met Logan's chocolate brown eyes. Logan smiled slightly at Kendall, and Kendall tried to muster a smile in return.

"Ken, it's okay. This is all overwhelming. We understand." Logan soothed. "And never think for one second we would play a cruel joke like that. We would never ever do something like that." Logan stated.

"Yeah, Kendall, you know us." Carlos began. "We play pranks all the time, but they are never actually serious. It's usually just a pie to the face or something." Carlos chuckled slightly, and Kendall cracked a smile.

"Besides, if this was a prank, Logan would have pranked himself by now." Kendall said jokingly. Carlos smirked at Logan, and Logan rolled his eyes.

"Okay, so I'm not the best at pr-" In the middle of his sentence, Logan's face suddenly paled. His hand flew to his mouth, and Carlos dove for the trash can. He shoved it into Logan's lap, and Logan began to vomit violently. His body shook, and hot tears streamed out of his eyes. Carlos and Mrs. Knight lovingly rubbed his back. Kendall stared at the scene playing before him in a state of shock. Why was Logan throwing up, and why were his mother and Carlos acting as if it was a regular occurrence?

Logan's retching finally ceased, and he placed the trash can on the ground next to him. He whimpered slightly and sank back into his wheelchair. Mrs. Knight looked up at her son, who had a terror stricken expression on his face.

"Kendall?" She whispered. Kendall looked at his mother, clearly upset. "Are you okay?" She asked.

"What just happened?" Kendall asked. Carlos gave Kendall a look. What did he mean? Kendall knew full well what was happening! Logan was throwing up because of the chemo!

"What do you mean, Kendall?" Carlos questioned anxiously.

"Why did Logan just throw up? Did he catch a bug or something? And why is he in a wheelchair?" Kendall asked cautiously. Logan's head shot up. Carlos' eyes widened. Mrs. Knight's hands flew to her mouth.

"Oh my gosh…" Mrs. Knight whispered. Logan and Carlos turned to her, clearly coming to the same conclusion she had.

Kendall didn't remember that Logan had cancer.

~Nothing~Gold~Can~Stay~

Katie ran, and ran, and ran. Hot tears streamed down her checks. Why was this happening to her family? What did they do to deserve this kind of torture?

Katie found herself in the park. Not just any park, but the park she went to with Kendall. It was kind of their place. They always went their together. The last time they went together, Katie broke down because she couldn't take the pain of watching Logan be so sick and not be able to help him. But when Kendall went into a coma, he wasn't there to hold her in his arms and tell her everything would happen the way it's supposed to.

Knights were never ones to show weakness. Both Kendall and Katie _hated _crying. They hated when people belittled them, and they hated not being the leader. Seeing Kendall lying in a hospital bed, relying and a machine to live, killed Katie inside. Kendall was always her rock, her big brother, _her hero._

"Katie!" A frantic voice called. Katie wiped her eyes hurriedly and turned around. James ran towards her and scooped her up into his arms. "Oh Katie, thank goodness you're okay!" He exclaimed. Katie wrapped her arms around James' neck.

"I'm fine," She muttered. "Just needed some air." She whispered. No matter how nice James' hug and his genuine concern for her was, he still wasn't Kendall.

"Don't ever run out like that again, Katie. You had everyone worried sick." James scolded. Katie nodded, and leaned into James' arms again. He may not be Kendall, but his hugs did help.

"Sorry…" Katie muttered. James nodded his head.

"You know he didn't mean it, Katie." James said, referring to Kendall. "He was just overwhelmed with the fact that he had been asleep for a month." Katie nodded.

"I know he didn't mean it, James." Katie stated. "I was just so angry that he thought we were playing a joke on him! We would never joke around about something serious like that!" Katie exclaimed.

"I know, Katie, and so does Kendall. He was just shocked." James soothed. Katie nodded. After a few minutes of silence, James spoke up. "Hey, Katie, what's in your hand?" Katie glanced down at her hand. She was clutching Kendall's notebook as if her life depended on it.

"Oh," Katie began, "It's Kendall's notebook. I grabbed it out of the car when we had the crash. He said he's writing songs in there, but he didn't want anyone to see until he was done." Katie explained. James nodded, but smiled slightly.

"Well, one peek couldn't hurt, now could it?" James asked. Katie smiled.

"You just read my mind." She said sneakily. Katie carefully opened to notebook. Katie began to read aloud. "Hey Lo. It's me, Kendall." Katie and James shared a confused glance, but James signaled for Katie to read on. "I know what you are thinking, 'Letters? Really, are you that corny Kendall?' Well, Logan, this is the only way that I can clear my head right now. Everything is falling apart, Lo. The walls are closing in on us. I guess I should have seen it coming. We were living the dream. Big Time Rush was on top of the charts and we could not be happier. But, as Robert Frost says, 'Nothing gold can stay.'" Katie looked up at James.

"Letters…" James muttered. "He's been writing letters to Logan all this time…" Katie nodded. "Keep going." James commanded.

"I remember it clearly. It has been replaying in my mind all day, Logan. We were on dance practice with Mr. X. You seemed a little off. You were messing up moves that you usually perform at ease. Mr. X was becoming extremely frustrated with you. I could tell you needed a break. Why didn't I say something? I guess I was just focused on finishing practice, then lounging by the pool at the Palm Woods. I didn't see any of this coming.

You collapsed. I remember screaming you name and kneeling down beside you. I begged you to wake up, Lo. But you didn't. Gustavo called an ambulance while James, Carlos, and I stayed by you side, watching over you intently. The EMTs rushed into the studio and loaded you onto a stretcher. They immediately hooked you up to oxygen and checked your heart rate. Logan, I had never been more scared in my life. And from the moment they loaded you into the ambulance and told us to meet you at the hospital, I knew things were going to take a turn for the worse. And boy, they did.

Gustavo, Kelly, James, Carlos, and I all rushed to the hospital. The ride there was a total blur. All I could think about was you, Lo. The moments we shared played through my mind. Guess what, Logan? The moments we shared is my new favorite movie." Katie looked up at James. James motioned for Katie to continue.

"When we got to the hospital, the receptionist told us to sit down in the waiting room and the doctor would be with us as soon as possible. For hours on end, we sat there. My mom and Katie came sometime in those dreadful hours, but all I could think about was you, Hortense Logan Mitchell. In fact if a had a penny for every time you crossed my mind while we were waiting for the diagnosis, I would have one cent, because, Logan, you never left it." Katie said.

"Wow. I never knew Kendall was that corny, or that he was a talented writer." James said. Katie nodded in agreement. "Is there more?" James asked. Katie nodded, and continued reading.

"Finally, the doctor came out. He introduced himself as Dr. Mollow. I actually screamed at him and told him to 'cut the small talk and tell us what the heck was wrong with you.' I know you would scold me and tell me not to be rude, but Lo, drastic times call for drastic measures. Then came the moment where I heard the worst news of my life.

You have cancer, Lo. I felt like my world came crashing down on me. You, Logan Mitchell, have cancer? No way! This is the kind of stuff you read about happening to other people, and you feel bad for them. This wasn't supposed to happen to us! My mom took a sharp inhale of breath, and Katie started to cry. Carlos had a blank look on his face. James had tears collecting in his eyes, threatening to spill over. And, me? I got up and punched a hole in the wall. Let's just say, not my best plan.

After the doctor rambled on about treatment options to my mom and my hand was concluded to be fine, we were allowed to see you. Thank God that by then you had woken up. As I entered the room, my green eyes locked with your brown ones. And Logan, I realized something." Katie's eyes widened, and whispered the line Kendall scribbled in the notebook.

"_I am in love with you."_ James gasped and stared at the notebook in shock.

"Oh my gosh…" James muttered. Kendall was in love with Logan? Kendall was gay? Katie continued to read, despite both her and James' shock.

"It's like one of those cliché love stories. A person loves their best friend, and the best friend gets sick. But in the end, there is always a happily ever after. What if we don't get a happily ever after, Logan? What if you di- no, I refuse to think about it. But Logan, I truly am in love with you. I have thought about it a lot, as I sit on the roof of the Palm Woods and write this letter to you. I have been denying it for ages now, simply thinking that since you are my best friend, of course I love you. It's a natural feeling. But now, Lo, this experience has made me realize that you mean so much more to me than a best friend. You are not only an amazing person, a genius, a talented singer and dancer, and a fantastic friend, but you are the love of my life. Plus, the fact that you're handsome is just an added bonus." Katie smiled slightly, at Kendall's heart felt words. She looked up at James, who was also smiling.

"We shouldn't read anymore." Katie stated. "These were meant for Logan, not us." James nodded in agreement.

"Wow…" He whispered. "He really does love Logan. It's really sweet." James smiled.

"I know," Katie smiled back. They were temporarily forgetting their dreadful life back at the hospital. "But, what do we do now?" Katie asked. James frowned slightly.

"We give the notebook back to Kendall. It's his. If he asks if we read it, we just say we won't ever tell anyone." James stated, nodding his head slightly.

"But, what about Logan?" Katie asked. James closed his eyes.

"It's not our place to tell him, it's Kendall's." James said. Katie nodded in agreement. "So don't say anything to Logan. Not a peep. Okay, Katie?" James asked. Katie nodded. She was a good secret keeper.

Suddenly, James' phone rang. He dug through his jean pocket, and pulled out his iPhone. The Caller ID said 'Mama Knight' and James immediately knew something was wrong. He picked up the phone, and immediately began to ask Mrs. Knight questions.

"Mama Knight? Is everything okay?" James asked frantically. Mrs. Knight disregarded James' question.

"James, did you find Katie?" Mrs. Knight asked.

"Yes, she was in the park. Now, what's wrong?" James asked. Mrs. Knight sighed through the phone.

"Just get back here right now, James. Make sure Katie comes with you." Mrs. Knight ordered. James quickly agreed, and said goodbye. He grabbed Katie's hand and dragged her back to the hospital.

However, they would never be prepared for what met them there.

**Uh, oh. How did I ever to do this to a Nick show? Haha review!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey! Thanks so much for the amazing reviews! It means so much to me! Is it weird that when I start these chapter I honestly have no clue what is going to happen? At the beginning of last chapter, Kendall was not going to lose his memory, and no one was going to see his letters to Logan. But hey, you only live once! **

**I don't own BTR. **

Kendall stared at his mother, Carlos, and Logan. His eyes begged them for answers. They seemed to be in a state of shock, so Kendall decided to turn to his own devices. He began to rack his brain for any recollection of events before the car crash. Kendall could remember two thing for sure.

One, he was writing letters in a notebook for Logan. But why? He saw Logan everyday, they shared a room for crying out loud! Also, Kendall could tell Logan everything and anything! Why would he write a letter to him when he was a stone throw away?

And two, he loved Logan with all his heart. When he looked into Logan's eyes just a few short minutes ago, Kendall remembered how important Logan was to him, and how much he needed him. Which is why he absolutely needed someone to tell him what the heck was going on!

Suddenly, James and Katie burst through the door, looking extremely flustered. Their hair was windblown, their checks were flushed, and their eyes were wide with fear.

"What's wrong?" James exclaimed. Mrs. Knight whispered something in his ear, and his eyes widened.

"Are you serious?" James whispered. Mrs. Knight nodded.

"What, James?" Katie asked. James leaned down and whispered the situation into Katie's ear. Katie's hands flew to her mouth.

"No! You're kidding!" Katie accused. James shook his head. He pulled Katie into a hug and began to whisper soothing words in her ear.

Okay, if there was one thing Kendall Donald Knight hated, it was secrets. Kendall liked to know everything that was happening around him, so that if there was a problem, he could help fix it. This whole 'Let's keep a secret about Logan from Kendall!' thing was seriously getting on his nerves.

"Will someone please tell me what's going on?" Kendall exclaimed in a frustrated tone. All the hushed talking ceased, and all the eyes in the room locked on Kendall. Oh, and another thing that Kendall hated. Being stared at. "I'm not some animal in the zoo, don't just talk about me and stare at me! I can see you and hear you," he muttered, "I just want to know what's going on…" Kendall's voice cracked on the last word, and he began to get choked up.

And another thing that Kendall hated. Crying.

Logan, Carlos, James, and Katie looked expectantly at Mrs. Knight. She dragged her chair closer to her son's bed, and held his sweaty hand. She took a deep breath, and looked up at Kendall.

"Honey, a lot happened before the accident. Well, in the two weeks before the accident." Mrs. Knight took a shaky breath, trying to calm herself. "Kendall, do you remember that Logan wasn't feeling well?" Kendall's bushy eyebrows scrunched together, and he shook his head as a sign of no. Logan immediately wheeled himself to the other side of Kendall's bed. He grabbed Kendall's hand. Kendall looked over at Logan. His green eyes were full of fear and anxiety. Logan offered Kendall a small smile, and gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. Kendall smiled slightly in return, and turned back to his mother, signaling for her to continue.

"Well, honey, Logan had been feeling off for a few weeks by then. We all just passed it off and a virus, or a nasty cold. One day, at the studio he collapsed." Mrs. Knight whispered. Kendall gasped and looked at Logan. Logan looked up at Kendall with sad eyes.

"Lo, are you okay now?" Kendall asked frantically. "Is he okay now?" Kendall demanded, looking around the room. James and Katie shared a worried glance. They knew Kendall's heart was going to get broken all over again now. Carlos had his fingers plugged into his ears, not wanting to relive the story all over again. Kendall turned to his mother. "Please, Mama," Kendall whispered. Mrs. Knight's heart broke. Kendall hasn't called her 'Mama' since he was three.

"Logan was rushed to the hospital. A series of tests were run, and Kendall, Lo-" Mrs. Knight was interrupted when a doctor burst into the room. He seemed quite angry.

"You!" He exclaimed, pointing a finger at Logan. "You know the rules! Cancer patients are not allowed to roam the hospital!" The doctor scolded. Kendall's eyes widened. He turned to Logan, who had tears in his eyes.

"Cancer?" Kendall whispered, as the tears began to spill over. "You have _cancer?_" Kendall sobbed. Logan, who was also crying at this point, nodded. "Oh my gosh!" Kendall yelled in pure agony. Logan, his Logan, had cancer. Kendall threw his arms around Logan as he sobbed. "NO! YOU CAN'T HAVE CANCER!" Kendall screamed. "YOU HAVE TO STAY WITH ME!" Logan whimpered at his oh-so-strong leader's clear pain.

"Shh, Ken, it will all be okay." Logan whispered. Kendall sobbed harder.

"YOU DON'T KNOW THAT! YOU COULD D-" Kendall stopped himself, crying a little harder. Logan squeezed Kendall a little tighter in his arms. James held Katie in his arms, both of them silently crying. Everyone else thought Kendall was afraid to lose his best friend, but they knew he was afraid he was going to lose the love of his life. Carlos had scooted over to Mama Knight, who lovingly took him in her arms.

And then there was the doctor, who stood awkwardly in the corner, wondering what sort of chain reaction he had just set off.

The doctor called for Logan's normal doctor, Dr. Mollow. He explained to situation, then left Dr. Mollow to deal with this mess. He walked over to Logan and shook his shoulder lightly.

"Logan," Dr. Mollow began. "You have to go back to your room. And your family has to go home," He said, glancing at Mrs. Knight, "visiting hours are over." Mrs. Knight nodded and stood up, wiping her eyes. Carlos stood with her. James and Katie nodded. They all gave Kendall and Logan hugs, and whispered how much they loved them, and that everything was going to be alright in the end. Kendall and Logan heard the door click, and the doctor was soon bombarding Logan again.

"Logan, you have to return to you room." He stated.

"NO." Logan fired back.

"Logan, these are hospital rules, not mine. Please go back to your room, Kendall will be fine."

"NO. I'M NOT GOING TO LEAVE KENDALL."

" Logan! Stop yelling!"

"WHO'S YELLING? I'M NOT YELLING!"

"Yes, you are! Now stop!"

"NO! I AM GOING TO STAY HERE WITH KENDALL!"

"Logan, you have to leave and return to your own room."

"COME AT ME, BRO!"

"Jesus! Okay! You can stay with Kendall! We will roll in another bed!"

"It's about time."

Kendall looked at Logan, who was rolling his eyes at the doctor. However, underneath the Logan who just screamed at the doctor, was a terrified little boy, contemplating how to go about this situation with Kendall.

~Gold~

Katie grabbed James' arm. Mrs. Knight looked at her daughter with tired eyes.

"Katie, sweetie, we have to go home. Visiting hours are over. We can go see Kendall and Logan tomorrow. Now, let go of James and come to the car." Mrs. Knight said.

"One minute! I just need to talk to James really quickly!" Katie explained, looking at her mother with pleading eyes. Mrs. Knight sighed.

"Fine." Mrs. Knight agreed. Katie muttered a quick thank you, before dragging James off. James trailed behind the tiny ten year old, wondering where she was dragging him to. Suddenly, she came to a stop outside of Kendall's room.

"We have to give him the notebook." Katie stated. James' eyes widened.

"What?" James asked. Katie gave him a look that said 'We-are-going-to-be-honest-whether-you-like-it-our-not.' James sighed. "Okay, let's go." He said, ushering Katie into the room.

~Gold~

Kendall watched as the doctor wheeled Logan to the other side of the room to make room for the incoming bed. His eyes locked with Logan's, and Logan flinched and looked away quickly. Kendall frowned slightly, and looked down the his hands.

The door opened and revealed James and Katie. Kendall looked up at them and offered a small wave. James smiled slightly back, tightening his grip on Katie's shoulder. James waved to Logan, who smiled in return.

Katie shrugged out of James' grip, and walked to her brother's bedside. James followed behind her. Kendall smiled up at Katie.

"Hey, baby sister!" Kendall greeted, clearly happy to see Katie. "What are you do-" Kendall began, but stopped talking as his gaze landed on Katie's hands, where his notebook lay. Katie's eyes met her brother's. She tucked to notebook under Kendall's pillow, and leaned down to his ear.

"We won't tell anyone, Ken." She whispered. Kendall looked up at his baby sister, and pride swelled within him. She was just plain great. Kendall pulled Katie into a hug and whispered a thank you. He then motioned for James to come closer. James inched forward, and Kendall pulled him into a hug as well.

"Thank you for not telling anyone, James. And thank you for taking care of Katie when I couldn't. I could never ask for a better best friend." Kendall whispered. James nodded and smiled.

"It's my pleasure, Kendall, really." He whispered back.

"Hey," Logan whispered. "I like to whisper too." Katie laughed and walked over to him, and engulfed him a hug.

"Take care of him, Logan." She whispered. She shuffled away quickly, and grabbed James' hand. They yelled their goodbyes as Katie dragged James away. Just as they exited, a nurse wheeled a bed into the room. She smiled at Kendall.

"You have one stubborn friend there, don't you? The nurse asked in an amused tone. Kendall smiled slightly.

"You could say that." Kendall said, smiling at Logan. Logan smirked in return. The nurse smiled and wheeled the bed next to Kendall's. She then walked to Logan's wheel chair, and attempted to help him up.

"I can walk." He insisted. Logan stood, and walked over to the bed with ease. He sat down on the edge and scooted himself up to Kendall's level. The nurse silently exited, seeing her assistance wasn't needed. Logan turned to Kendall.

"Hi." He said, smiling. Kendall smiled back.

"Hey." Kendall replied. "So, cancer, huh?" He said sadly.

Logan nodded. "Unfortunately." He said. "It's unpleasant." Logan said.

Kendall nodded. "It's stupid." He concluded.

"Preach." Logan said, nodding. Kendall chuckled lightly. Logan's brown eyes shifted backwards and his eyebrows scrunched together slightly. "What's this?" He said, yanking the notebook from underneath Kendall's pillow. Kendall's eyes widened.

"No!" Kendall exclaimed, snatching the notebook from Logan's hands. Logan frowned and looked slightly hurt. "I'm sorry it's just…" Kendall trailed off. "Songs. They aren't done, and I want everyone to wait until they are done to see them." Kendall explained. Logan smiled and nodded.

"Hey, it's cool man." Logan said smiling. Suddenly, his face became serious. "But I need to talk to you about something, Kendall…" He said.

"What's on your mind, Lo?" Kendall asked, concern evident in his voice. Logan closed his eyes and took a deep breathe.

"Just let me finish my entire story before you say anything, okay?" Logan said.

"I won't interrupt, Logan." Kendall said.

Logan took in another deep breathe. "Over the course of the last two months, Kendall, I realized something. And I honestly couldn't bear the idea of you not knowing this. Between your coma, and my cancer, I have to tell you this before it's too late. But, please Kendall, don't hate me." Logan pleaded.

"I could **never** hate you, Logan." Kendall said, putting emphasis on the word never.

"I'm in love with you." Logan whispered. Kendall's eyes widened. He looked up at Logan. Logan looked up sheepishly.

"Oh my gosh, you hate me! Forget it, I never said anything!" Logan exclaimed, covering his face in his hands. Kendall was not having any of that though. He pulled Logan's hands off his face.

"Logan," He whispered, smiling. "Thank you." Logan looked up, confused.

"For what?" He asked. Kendall smiled.

"For having the courage to say what I wanted to, but was to scared to." Kendall whispered. Logan gasped.

"You mean…?" Logan trailed off, stunned. Kendall chuckled and smiled.

"I love you, too, Logan." Kendall said, leaning in. When Kendall's lips met Logan's, they both felt a spark. When Logan pulled back and rested his head on Kendall's forehead, he smiled. He couldn't believe Kendall reciprocated the feelings.

"Love you, Ken." Logan whispered. Kendall smiled and climbed over into Logan's bed. Logan let out a squeal as Kendall wrapped his arms around Logan.

"I love you too, Logie." Kendall said. Logan smiled and snuggled into Kendall's chest, instantly falling asleep in his safe little cocoon in Kendall's arms.

**Awww! Logan and Kendall admitted their love for each other! But this story isn't over yet! Review, please!**


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